An exploration of the UK unpaid carer's world

20 August Lunch Liz 

Emails R to D to R

Subject: Liz 2    then gourmetlunch

A seesaw is involved.

Heavily weighted in her favour

               often works longer than paid for

               the canal-boat evacuation - all the clobber dealt with

               too often takes laundry home to do

               M's best interests at heart all the time

Liz is going to feel v miffed if hauled over for what, to her, may be minor.

Weds afternoon

               M thinks 2 hours asleep  - I mentioned the topic on return and L                                             shrugged her shoulders - was only 15 mins
              Tea not started until > 6  - I have said start at 5 - serve at 530

               feet not washed


                too much time away from M cos L is so v slow

               what if M is stuck in the loo etc when L asleep and doesn't hear?

                almost 30 mins to cut a cabbage   15 for 3 spuds etc

                can't rely on her to do lunch

Let's work it all out by email

If we decide you will speak I think best done in the garage here - not by phone  - sorry

If she decides to ask agency not to send her, here we are up a forest of gumtrees
Yes all fine re talking in person not phone.  And yes she is worth more than the downside. It wouldn't be hauling, just 'my concern for your welfare, Liz, are you ok...' etc.

I doubt it was 2 hours - M didn't sound like it was that long yesterday when I arrived, she just mentioned 'nodded off'. M probably nodded off too, she usually does when I'm there working/not talking even when TV is on. I don't think she'd sit on the sofa and snooze if she knew M was in the loo - its probably sheer boredom when the two of them are in front of the TV and conversation has run out.

M could have woken her! As ever, she takes no responsibility for anything or sees she could have done something to change the situation.

Good as usual.  Summing-up brill.
Yes, prob not as long as M made out.
M is always nodding off in sitroom.

As regards
M could have woken her! As ever, she takes no responsibility for anything or sees she could have done something to change the situation.
I think the dementia overtakes onus.  I think her ability with this type of reasoning is faltering.

Re the lunch, 
it's been in the diary for weeks and have pointed to it 
often enough.  At tea time and bed time yesterday, It was brought into 
the conversation.
Set alarm,  M awake - casually said things like what are you wearing, when we leave.        Not well. You haven't said anything until now

Later, said             OK, when we are due to leave for the hotel do we cancel?  
                        No impact

Was then I saw it all as info-processing probs and less as passive resistance.  All a waste of time.
Had set Sarah to come at 11.  c 10 M says   You go alone  - can't Sarah come.  I said I'd text her.
10 mins and said Sarah can't come.  M says go alone - she'll be OK on her own.
What?  From 11 to 4 says I.

Go alone.
= she can't reason at such a simple level.

Sarah came at 11 and I returned c 630.   They had had a great afternoon - lot's of fun.  Sarah did great work with the chair painting and in the garage.

= Sarah, overall, is a better deal than Liz on balance. But S unavailable school time.  She's a cheaper deal v agency but  even if available, 5 times weekday hour plus 5 respite = £100 pw  
Free agency = 
10 times £16 but free.

pagetop here      20 August Lunch Liz here