An exploration of the UK unpaid carer's world

 Marriott - friends      They could be carer friends with names - slide down the page here

under construction from 30 May 2016


This young carer has heard that the The Fermi Paradox  seen on this page applies to lonely unpaid carers.  

If youngsters can look, no excuse for lonely adults who care.


  1. Recap
  2. What you the lonely carer should do


1  Recap

If you missed them, here they are again:

1   3 before

Chapter 4 is You're on your own.  Page 39 begins with "It isn't what you want to hear.".  

When it comes to friends, Marriott is frank.  They let you down. 

"Isolation is a technique of torture."  p 43 

2  6 before

In the context of "Your mind", Chapter 10 includes a heading - Isolation.  P 163 likens the carer to playing squash without walls - there's no feedback.  P 164 says friends are so well-meaning.  P 166 reminds you that you are in solitary confinement.   [more below]

3  12 before

Regarding young carers,  their friends learn to do without them.  The young carers feel guilty about leaving their often older caree (piglet is pushing it). p 345

2  Index

45  56  164  229  253  283  345

2.1   p 45


It begins with the heading        But you have your piglet for company     


and ends with the heading       With friends like these, who needs enemies?


The first sentences on p 47  

What causes loneliness is not being alone, it's being unable to communicate with the people all around.  The more people, the lonelier it is.


p 46 - list of comments by friends includes:

 I can't think why you put up with it

You really ought to go out more   


The second comment is in the context of not going out with your caree.  My interaction with Adult Wellbeing included £ provision for us to be together here.  c 50% £ support.  Quite able to cope with a flood of emails!


p 56     " . .  most of them think it's YOU who have been neglecting THEM."  foot of page

             " . .  all those really selfish pigs out there who can't  see you properly  because they are not looking."   para 1


p 164   " . .  they seem to think they know more than you do.  Aaaaaaaaargh! "

             Another comment, in as many words, this situation won't go on forever.


p 229   "When people come to call on you (if they ever do) you're in your caring environment ..."  

               The page compares your life now with normal, people-at-work life. 


p 253

The page says that when you need a friend, they are all busy.  But you might be lucky.


p 283       You're invisible.                                       [Same on p 74, para 2.]

                  It doesn't really occur to them that you're in trouble.

p 284        heading     They're the wrong people


"Where are they? ie people who step forward to help - Ch 17, p 281.  "Out there.  Somewhere." pp 282/3

The Fermi Paradox  applies to unpaid carers.

(Not in the book) Regarding extraterrestrial life, the astronomer Fermi  . .  .  asked, " . . . Where is everybody?"  "If there are all these billions of planets in the universe that are capable of supporting life, and millions of intelligent species out there, then how come none has visited earth? This has come to be known as The Fermi Paradox. source

"Where is everybody?" is a theme of the book, therefore start looking.  Plenty of carers as seen here.

2   What you the lonely carer should do


Evaluate the quoted text as appropriate above.


Obtain the book from your library or here.


Would you mind adding/commenting to these points via here.  Thank you.

pagetop  for pasting   Marriott - friends here

                                   The Selfish Pig's Guide to Caring  here

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