An exploration of the UK unpaid carer's world

AFH current stress level  20 Sept 2015                                      hidden page 



17 March -  free from 2g for three months with a lot of improvement


13 Oct - in red text except 26 Sept entries

26 Sept   Stress level 0 - 10 given to many items followed by reason(s).  Same for new entries.

23 Sept   My stress level is high and is shown by 1, but 3 is optimistic. 


  1. Evidence
  2. So many new pages
  3. Towards positivity

1   Evidence

  1. GP  Within the last two weeks, there has been considerable interaction with our GP, and A&E is included.  here   One month later and nothing from OTs.  

  2. Healthcare providers  That page includes criticism of local healthcare providers.  It includes trying to arrange visits asap.  7 - waiting for help when self and caree in pain is frustrating, to say the least.  See 3.6.

  3. Caree needs  Last week included an hour long assessment of my wife's caree needs by Adult Wellbeing.  An hour spent at the time and hours going through 18 pages of form XYZ 1066 an' all that, before.  8 - waiting for help when both of us are in need is frustrating, to say the least.  

  4. Caree religious aspects   A three year project trying to improve religious aspects of Teresa's life may be making progress here  3 - although the Curate visited recently, the progress depends on me.  Sent him an email on a related topic - no reply.  One month later from previous email and nothing more than two names.

  5. 2g-specific web pages.  Fourteen 2g-specific complicated web pages.  In particular - Meeting: 30 Sept 2015  here.  Read the wholly unwarranted and unnecessary 2g saga here & here.   10  - the situation has led to elder daughter taking over meeting negotiation   30th September 2015 Meeting Home page here

  6. Public pages  Some twelve  related public pages commented on etc, as in  2g-specific web pages.  ..  here

  7. Dietician appointment  Preparation for it is detailed here  5  - sent email link to page three days before - on arrival at hospital, she said not received.  Sent dated copy same evening.   Nothing useful to report.

  8. Wheelchair car  We are selling our eight-year old wheelchair car after ten months as it is unsuitable for long journeys and is prone to faults.  A deposit has been paid on a larger,four year old year old car  7  emailed seller - little progress  Hope to collect on 21 Oct

  9. DIY  Due to the fact that DIY and garden work on any major scale is no longer within my physical capability, it is all being done by paid workers  here     Nothing heard for two weeks.

  10. Persecutor  Within the last week, the Persecutor - Victim page here and the Persecutor - Victim: The Triangle page  here have  been reconsidered, edited etc and I am still trying to work out how to finalise them.  2g is the persecutor at present but the page will be a general model.  The next stage is to develop the concept of persecution by inaction in which inaction causes distress.  The obvious "reaching out" mentioned so far is relevant.  When the repeated reaching out is blocked, expect 14 hidden 2g pages and 12  public pages.  8 included mention to daughter

  11. On 21 Sept the phone hasn't stop ringing all day.  The advert for the car sale has been hijacked giving readers a reason other than price to use my phone number.  23 Sept - stopped now after 23 awkward phone calls in and five blunt emails out yesterday.  0

  12. All these lines should rank as evidence, some, of a sort.  I can only advise that a year ago I suffered mouth-ache for want of a medical term.  I was grinding my teeth and gums seemed on fire. Dentist said not a dental problem  That subsided around April and was mostly causing pain when driving.  It's back with a vengeance, driving or not.  Those who attend the Meeting: 30 Sept 2015  here  (9 above) please note. 8

  13. 23 Sept    Stress finds its way to me.  Carers who come to our house talk.  I listen and it does not result in stress on me.  Result - a new webpage. A black picture often within the domain of dom-care staff on zero-hours contract, with disallowed travel time - here.   3  -  

  14. 25 Sept.  Lovely weather -  lunch on way to Gloucs to buy ramp for access to daughter's house.  Ramp unsuitable.  8  in evening - Teresa stuck in bathroom unable to move wheelchair.  It prevented me lifting the chair, reached over chair and my back problem made worse.    Good news  -  although the letter took son-in-law and I a lot of time, the company has replied positively

  15. Same date.  8 Have not recorded the fact that I went two weeks ago to the local computer company looking for someone to teach me use of social media. Soon after, sent email - still no reply.  Ditto yet another company

2  So many new pages   several more via 30th September 2015 Meeting Home page here

The obvious question the reader will pose is "How have so many new pages been written in such a short space of time?". 
I work while Teresa has breakfast in bed.  Teresa and I interact a lot once she emerges between 1100 and 1300. There's quite a lot of talk involving our life here and there, What is so and so's name? etc.  Mixed with that is lunch and settling in front of the TV.  

I work while we are watching TV and I  keep an eye on Teresa.  She sleeps a lot in the afternoon.  My work tapers off until Teresa has started to go to bed at 7.30 and in bed about 9, I work until too late in the evening.

3  Towards positivity

 = being positive and not - accepting the world as it is   -  here

Teresa's condition could be far worse.  We can still interact joyfully.  She can laugh and joke [not as much as a year ago, though].  

4 or 5 mornings a week a long time ago, we listened to our music [via a laptop]  website here.  Due to my activity in 3.3, we now use Spotify on an Ipad.

My carer respite = 1330 to 1830 on Wednesdays.  Family members cover when the activity here is on the go on Tuesdays 1430 to 1500.

It can be stressful when the technology goes wrong.  Worse -  I lost my Ipad last week, later to be replaced by a different model which doesn't cooperate.  9 at times

Although, in a way, it's an extension of my carer role, I see an entirely different face of caring.  It is sometimes quite moving.  Several weeks ago, one caree opened his purse very carefully and gave me 2x2p + 1p.  Of course, I returned it via the organiser.   

If all goes to plan, a change of car will happen and the old one will be sold.  There is an element of  accepting the world as it is here.  The buyer phoned and offered £X.  I accepted thinking that was the advertised price.  He saw the car, paid a deposit.  I then spoke to son-in-law, [the family Internet expert] with the news who said I should have remembered the price was £X + £2k.   Too much buzz in my brain.  7  as too much time thinking what to do

The diet household-wise now includes Wait-and-See Cake. Yes, there is a Google result here.  It's a matter of time re a lot within the list above.   But see 1.13 above.


Plug into humour when it occurs.
Last week included an hour long assessment of my wife's caree needs by Adult Wellbeing - 5 above .  An hour spent going through 18 pages of form XYZ 1066 an' all that.   

A fringe healthcare professional  heard the story before the event and asked:

Do you know why the form is so long?


It's hoped that carers etc will get fed up with it and not proceed.

pagetop here  for pasting   AFH current stress level here