An exploration of the UK unpaid carer's world

                                                                          With my presence on the DMB                                                           4 Feb

12 Feb                                                                                                                                   Email to SM 10 Feb 2017   here

CC has painted itself into a corner.  Vols won't work with me but they are not in the planning group which, to me is the priority.  Activity-running by me is another matter.  However, as vols won't work with me, it is tantamount to saying that I cannot attend the DMC with Teresa.  That is on top of DC telling me I should go to Leom and help run it.

Once vols are told about my autism and that, as far as they are concerned, I have much improved, there is no excuse for not working with me.

CC needs to present me with a letter saying that I can/not attend the PG and that I can/not attend the DMC.

SFM, it is strongly hoped, will respond to my latest email.

Reply to DC/SJ email 3 Feb                                                                                             Dear CC members  here

Thank you both for your replies.                                                                                  Ross DMC Home page here                                                                                 

The essence of my reply is that on 5 Feb, there will be no paper issued to CC members.  There will be one later if needed.  There is no negotiation in what either of you have said.  

At this stage, I do not propose to interupt the meeting on 8 Feb.  DC needs to supply me a with a statement that I will or will not be a member of the Decision Making Body.  A verbal positive response will suffice on 5 Feb given that it is followed up in writing.  I will refer to this page in case she hasn't read this before the service.  A negative response will result in a communication to all MHSG members on Sunday afternoon.

Taking Teresa out on such a sunny Saturday afternoon has been sacrificed on the altar of inconsiderate injustice.

The emails and my reply

On 03/02/2017 22:57, S J wrote:

> Hello Alan,

If DC had been communicative, you would not have been mentioned at all.

At the time of the phone call, I was unaware of my autism.  You had no right to inform CB (Council member of MHSG) of the situation. 

It has taken all this to receive any meaningful response from  DC.

Email from SJ
> I have only just read your document referred to below. I have no real idea what it means. I am not sure if SJ refers to me but I think your reference to ‘Bishop’ and ‘Clerk in Holy Orders’ and the fact that you sent it to me, suggests that I am the SJ you are referring to.
> I have the following response:
> You e mail has upset me greatly. It is inaccurate. I am aghast that you seemingly plan to distribute a leaflet at Christ Church with your various complaints. I am also shocked by what you have written about DC and presumably me.
> (i) I have not ignored your posting. Far from hijacking the DMC, I have nothing at all to do with it. I have attended no meetings about it and I am not involved at all in the running or planning of it. Consequently there is no negotiation in which I can take part or initiate. You have also never asked me anything about the DMC or mentioned it to me or asked me to ‘negotiate’ anything about it.
> (ii) I have not been informed of your autism situation. As far as I remember, the first I heard of it was on your web page just now. I have not been in touch with you because you have told me that you want no contact with me. You were out when I called by appointment to give Communion to Teresa. You were very rude to me on the phone and when I e mailed you to let you know that I was very upset and that I was concerned and I asked for a meeting, you e mailed me to say that you would not open my letter. When my colleague The Rev’d L M called the following month you made it plain that you wanted no more visits from us other than the bible group. Despite your inappropriate behaviour I have allowed the bible study group to keep meeting at your house. I have attempted to be in contact with you but you have declined to be in contact with me.
> (iii) I have broken no guidelines of confidentiality with respect to you.  

At the time of the phone call, I was unaware of my autism.  You had no right to inform CB of the situation.
> (iv) I have forgiven you for the previous numerous times when you have been rude and aggressive towards me. 

So no hypocrisy from me Alan.

Not apparent, never stated.
> (v) I am very upset that you seem to plan to speak about me from your website notes at various meetings and by your threat of the tabloids. You are by own admission planning a ‘bombshell’ as you write:

 by own admission intention planning a ‘bombshell’ as you write:
>     It is appropriate to insert another stage.  Assuming that CC members are acquainted with the situation, DC and SJ are given until noon on Mon 6 Jan to start negotiating.  Assuming there is none, MHSG members will be sent this page with the request that they give their opinion.  This shows responsibility and respect as a member of the group by giving warning about the bombshell to be inflicted on members and the public who attend on 8 Feb.
> As this is very upsetting I will not engage with you further on this.


 I would ask and advise you not to treat me in this manner. I think your actions may well be falling into the harrasment and/or libel category. For the good of the project and for all concerned, (including you and me) I suggest that you talk this over with some sort of professional helper who might help you gain some more perspective on this.

I say on the website I am paying £50 per hour for this.  33 here  The person is reading the two pages.  
> With best wishes,
> SJ
> -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


It has taken all this to receive any meaningful response.  It is obvious that I have taken your hijacking of the DMC very badly to the extent of wrongfully thinking that SJ has been involved as a member of this.  If you had made public your info about the DMB , the situation would not have arisen.

>>>> On 3 Feb 2017, at 21:42, DC  wrote:

>> Dear Alan
>> As you will have heard I have been away.  
>> Before going away a small group of people met as the Planning Group, sadly we did not have the outline plan that I had asked you put together of what a day at the meeting centre might look like.

It is high time you became fluent with my version of the RDMC website.  A day at the meeting centre is described here
You excluded me from anything at all to do with the DMC operation so what do you expect?  A naive comment.  In the context of a six week programme you requested, even  more so.

>>  We have also planned to have an open afternoon on Wednesday 15th March between 2pm and 4pm as a drop in for potential participants to meet the volunteers and learn a little more why just a little more - more than what?  how will they have known anything about what you had planned before 15 March? about the Ross Meeting Centre.  The Planning Group, once the centre is up and running will then include input from the participants of the meeting centre.

I have a right to be part of the PG and if this has not been arranged, I will comment at the 8 Feb meeting.  Probably, within small groups.
>> We have also today had a meeting of the Management Group, this is a small group that includes S M as the lead person because of his experience within Mental Health. 

Then why has he delayed in replying to my email to him?

>>  This group is putting together some publicity in preparation for the meeting of the MHSG next Wednesday, which unfortunately I will not be present at as I will be in Cambridge.  However AP  JP will be there to speak to anyone who would like to know more about the RDMC.  

Of course I will be there to speak to anyone who would like to know more about the RDMC.

The management group is also looking at funding, the business plan, aims and objectives of the meeting centre, role specifications, safeguarding issues, etc... so that we follow proper processes.

>> At the open afternoon on the 15th March, Dr SE will be present to talk to any potential participants and to volunteers.  When we met a while ago it was agreed that at such an open meeting you would be able to talk to people 

How English of you to do this within my project.

about your experience of being a participant of a meeting centre, what benefits there were for both you and Teresa, and why you felt it was important that such a centre should be available to the people of Ross on Wye.

If you had had the grace to tell me, a lot of this would have been unnecessary.  Blood out of a stone.
>> As you will have seen from the posters on the board at C C, the dates for the D Fs awareness and creating D Friendly Cs are being publicised, and have been publicised across the other churches in the town.
>> SBL has passed on our details to those people who might be interested in using the facility, and has also been in touch with the dementia services  ...  and the other GPs in the town to keep them informed of the progress that is being made.
>> You will also be aware that I will be moving from the area in the summer and therefore will be taking a less active part in the planning etc, but I believe those who are volunteering will keep the momentum going and provide the kind of service that you had hoped for, and that you can bring Teresa too.

In addition, I have met with six people who are prepared to make themselves available as volunteers, however no one is able to take on the responsibility for the day to day running of the meeting centre. DC  - 2 here

I have made it clear that I will take on the responsibility for the day to day running of the meeting centre.  Also, that I will make a major contribution to running activites.  Volunteers (vols) without specific skills will need to see what that involves.  AFH 3 ibid


I do not expect you  to provide the kind of service that I had hoped for.  More than hoped for - planned by me. 

I expect to be involved in decisions.


you can bring Teresa too. 

How English of you to say so.

>> SM  will do all he can to keep you informed of the progress of the meeting centre. 
Not a good sign that he has delayed sine die  in replying to my email to him.
>> Kind regards

>> D 

pagetop   Reply to DC/SJ email 3 Feb here  

                   Email to SM 10 Feb 2017   here                                                                         hidden page

                  Dear CC members  here

                  Ross DMC Home page here

                  In the hope of Asperger's  support - 28 Jan 2017  here

            DC email 7 Jan 2017  here                                         

                     Ross DMC  volunteers here
                     The Ross DMC set-up meeting here

                      Ross DMC Home page here 

                      Public DMC Home page here 

                     Alone  Home page here