An exploration of the UK unpaid carer's world

DMC situation December 2016                                    Our Home page here    hidden page

page created 18 Dec

Update 11 Jan 2017 DC email 7 Jan 2017  here

  1. Preamble
  2. Item 1.7 in detail
  3. Those who complain
  4. The website
  5. A Sunday service
Update 27 Dec

Email sent 21 Dec

S (GP)  has spent an hour this evening which included tests, the outcome of which is that I am autistic. 

Knowing what is wrong is so much a relief to me.  I know what to do. 

I have started medication. 

Happy Christmas 


The title this time is "The fog has lifted" The title before was "for after Christmas" 


On 20/12/2016 11:12, Prof Alan Harrison wrote:     (((( ie this page ))))

The aim of this page is to encourage you to  realise that you cannot omit me from the decision-making process re the DMC.  

I repeat  

Knowing what is wrong is so much a relief to me.  I know what to do.  I have started medication.   

end of quote

I'm ploughing my  way through two books our elder daughter gave me for Xmas.  It's all new territory for me.  I aim at knowing as much about autism as I do about dementia.  I will be in full discussion with GP.  

This page from this point was written before I knew about the diagnosis.

1  Preamble

  1. There have been two responses to the publicity - only one helper and it was this morning - 20 Dec.  A female hairdresser has also worked in shops, will clean, and wants to learn how to help dementia sufferers.

  2. One of Simon's carer patients three weeks ago received a leaflet, I phoned two weeks ago with the reply that they could not attend DMC.

    She phoned recently to say she had read the publicity here, discussed it with friends and now wants to attend.

  3. With such a poor response to the publicity, at least there is a MHG start in the knowledge that Ross is not a Dementia Friendly Community.  I have made some main points here.  You won't have time to abosrb the detail.  As AP attends the meetings, perhaps she could state the case for CC being a prime mover within the Ross as a DFC  mission.

  4. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  5. The last thing needed within the project is bad blood.  I hope to work with you to resolve the situation.  

  6. The volunteer situation is the first topic to be addressed.  I have taken steps to resolve my short-comings.

  7. You could have dealt with the situation before it got out of control.  After two volunteers reported the problem, why did you not discuss the matter with me?  What was your early agenda?  When I read your early email which mentioned 22 vols but blind-copied, I forecast trouble.  That was long before there was interaction with, at most three, vols who spoke to me.

  8. Clearly, the central issue arises since I retired in 2000 to look after Teresa.  Carer stress finds various and numerous ways of emerging.  Obviously, I could not have survived a long career with the central issue being present.

  9. This is a seemingly impossible situation that can be turned around.  At the end of the day, I am the founder of the RDMC.  I have the history to prove that.  You are the facilitators who are locking me out and that must end.  Your behaviour is atypical of church people and inconsistent with the voice from any pulpit.  With the right mental approach, you will ensure that I join the leaders as an equal partner.  

  10. Now that it has reached the extent of locking me out of the development of the project and proper participation within it, it is time for you to reflect on all the  remainingtext which has been assembled for me to try to understand why you and those others who complain are at loggerheads.

  11. The best thing that can be said about CC is the support from the two PDs detailed at *1a here

  12. There was convivial interaction with P & C who have taken on the Tuesday 2pm session. I had offered a session which, when they gave their reaction, was clearly looked forward to.  As the corporate climate is since against the motion, I was forced into withdrawing my offer.  You should be looking at the wider consequences of your approach to the DMC.  The session was to have been based on this - Teresa Diana Harrison ancestry here

2  Item 1.7 in detail
  1. The idea of reconciliation acknowledges the fact that there is a separation between two or more parties and God has declared that our sins have separated us from Him (Isaiah 59:1-2) so we need to be reconciled back to God but we have a sin problem.  I know of two people who allowed something to create a wedge between them and try as I might to have them be reconciled to one another, both have refused to humble themselves so that reconciliation between the two seems impossible.  source  The difference is that only one of us hopes for reconciliation.

  2. Much more

  3. Love thy neighbour - here, much more here

  4. Forgive those who trespass against us  -  For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged.   here and many more quotes there.   and here.

3  Those who complain

Those who complain have not considered the stress the average carer suffers. 

Teresa has plenty to cope with.  I do not add to it by revealing the problems which you could reduce by far.

Read the following in the context of what I have to deal with.

3.1   The list indicating reasons for this carer's stress

  1. TDH Health summary June 2016  here  Item 1

  2. TDH (Mrs) - Medication list and medical history here

  3. Non-person-centred Caree assessment 17 August 2015 here

  4. Disabled person needing substitute domestic services relating to lunch  here   It means double activity for me in the kitchen.

  5. Worsening scores on a simple test -  8 in Oct 2015  14 on 5 3 2016    17 on 6 Nov 2106 here

  6. Impersonalisation demonstrated.  Letter to caree 16 March 2015 here

    1.  78 year-old woman ejected from A&E at 0200 here
    2.  Canal-boat holiday.  However, illness struck.  here
    3. 2 Nov 2016 - Transient ischaemic attack (TIA) here  At first, the greatest shock of my life.

  7. The local experts failed to diagnose me properly here

  8. You will have seen full details of night-care routine at *7 beginning with "I want to sleep at night" here

  9. My carer history here.  A double role - 6.13.

  10. Unpaid carer stress Home page  here 

  11. Caring for someone with FTD can be particularly challenging, because

    of the person’s age and the changes in behaviour and communication.  p 9 here

3.2  Teresa and I were married in 1962  I am becoming a "couple of one".

Becoming a "couple of one" is a significant finding . .. The concept implies that carers become "emotional widow/ers" long before they become actual ones. The reciprocal nature of a couple's relationship is severed by a cruel act of fate. 

The severing creates a state of biographical limbo in which the carer, entangled with the caree through a mutual past, is unable to fully live in the present or to plan for a future . . . 

The full biographical impact of this realization triggers a deep sense of loss and grief, alleviated to some extent through the use of humour and faith.   source  The DC experience is enough to destroy any chance of faith.


Perhaps because rather than in spite of what has been described, I take Teresa to Leominster once a week, I have done a vast amount of work as originator of the Ross DMC,  and manage to show a bright side on the main website.

At least skim some of these pages
  1. Joshua at the Battle of Red Tape Square here

  2. We're the happiest carers in town - the lyrics are here, and you can hear the tune with different lyrics hereA Squiffle double bass design here is one example of Ross DMC taking a DIY approach via Shed-talk.

  3. These and others here follow the page here.

  4. The carer and computers here

  5. The Excellent Emperor here.  Both indicate a high-spirited approach to solving carer computer-illiteracy here.

  6. Creating new paths in the jungle here

  7. Songs and music for adults with special needs here - slide to tank and boat etc.  Will not use this approach within Ross DMC.

  8. Turning a negative into a positive.  Wheelchairs are invisible here.

4   Our Home page here
  1. "This set of pages outlines the philosophy and procedures within the Ross DMC."

  2. The suggestion made to take it down was to find out your attitude to it.  The notion of doing so is simply illogical.
  4. The website, as far as you the self-appointed solo organiser is concerned, is the main volunteer training determinant and aid to them.  When I return as equal partner in the leadership, the leader group will be encouraged to discuss the way forward which will include the Ross set of pages and other hidden pages being recognised as fundamental.  The Droitwich DMC gives very little info, and the Leominster DMC has no website.

  5. The first step for CC is to provide a link to the DMC.  That will need CC to provide a list of suggestions for editing.  

5   A Sunday service  A normal service ends with your presentation  
  1. Regarding that man, how many think he should be banned from entering our church?

  2. Those in favour?  As I thought.

  3. Those against?  None.

  4. Thank you.  I will tell him.  He is an unwanted neighbour we cannot love.  He hath trespassed against us and is beyond forgiveness. 

  5. To hell with the wrath of God on us.  See header graphic.

  6. See header graphic.  We have driven that man to that state by doing nothing to help him.  Mission accomplished.  He is beyond redemption. Let him find his name on a NO ENTRY sign nailed to our church door.                                                             

pagetop   DMC situation December 2016 here

                  DC email 7 Jan 2017  here

                   5 12 2016 here

                  Alone  Home page here 

             Our Home page here