An exploration of the UK unpaid carer's world

The most of the original text on this page was removed in mid Jan 2017.

Update 27 Dec

Email sent 21 Dec

S (GP)  has spent an hour this evening which included tests, the outcome of which is that I am autistic. 

Knowing what is wrong is so much a relief to me.  I know what to do. 

I have started medication. 

Happy Christmas 



The aim of this page is to encourage you to  realise that you cannot omit me from the decision-making process re the DMC.  

I repeat  

Knowing what is wrong is so much a relief to me.  I know what to do.  I have started medication.   

end of quote

I'm ploughing my  way through two books our elder daughter gave me for Xmas.  It's all new territory for me.  I aim at knowing as much about autism as I do about dementia.  I will be in full discussion with GP.  

This page from this point was written before I knew about the diagnosis.

1  Preamble

  1. There have been two responses to the publicity - only one helper and it was this morning - 20 Dec.  A female hairdresser has also worked in shops, will clean, and wants to learn how to help dementia sufferers.

  2. One of Simon's carer patients three weeks ago received a leaflet, I phoned two weeks ago with the reply that they could not attend DMC.

    She phoned recently to say she had read the publicity here, discussed it with friends and now wants to attend.

  3. With such a poor response to the publicity, at least there is a MHG start in the knowledge that Ross is not a Dementia Friendly Community.  I have made some main points here.  You won't have time to abosrb the detail.  As AP attends the meetings, perhaps she could state the case for CC being a prime mover within the Ross as a DFC  mission.

  4. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  5. The last thing needed within the project is bad blood.  I hope to work with you to resolve the situation.  

  6. The volunteer situation is the first topic to be addressed.  I have taken steps to resolve my short-comings.

  7. You could have dealt with the situation before it got out of control.  After two volunteers reported the problem, why did you not discuss the matter with me?  What was your early agenda?  When I read your early email which mentioned 22 vols but blind-copied, I forecast trouble.  That was long before there was interaction with, at most three, vols who spoke to me.

  8. Clearly, the central issue arises since I retired in 2000 to look after Teresa.  Carer stress finds various and numerous ways of emerging.  Obviously, I could not have survived a long career with the central issue being present.

  9. This is a seemingly impossible situation that can be turned around.  At the end of the day, I am the founder of the RDMC.  I have the history to prove that.  You are the facilitators who are locking me out and that must end.  Your behaviour is atypical of church people and inconsistent with the voice from any pulpit.  With the right mental approach, you will ensure that I join the leaders as an equal partner.  

  10. Now that it has reached the extent of locking me out of the development of the project and proper participation within it, it is time for you to reflect on all the  remainingtext which has been assembled for me to try to understand why you and those others who complain are at loggerheads.

  11. The best thing that can be said about CC is the support from the two PDs detailed at *1a here

  12. There was convivial interaction with P & C who have taken on the Tuesday 2pm session. I had offered a session which, when they gave their reaction, was clearly looked forward to.  As the corporate climate is since against the motion, I was forced into withdrawing my offer.  You should be looking at the wider consequences of your approach to the DMC.  The session was to have been based on this - Teresa Diana Harrison ancestry here

3.2  Teresa and I were married in 1962  I am becoming a "couple of one".

Becoming a "couple of one" is a significant finding . .. The concept implies that carers become "emotional widow/ers" long before they become actual ones. The reciprocal nature of a couple's relationship is severed by a cruel act of fate. 

The severing creates a state of biographical limbo in which the carer, entangled with the caree through a mutual past, is unable to fully live in the present or to plan for a future . . . 

The full biographical impact of this realization triggers a deep sense of loss and grief, alleviated to some extent through the use of humour and faith.   source  The DC experience is enough to destroy any chance of faith.

        DC email 7 Jan 2017  here                                        hidden page

              Ross DMC  volunteers here                             
              The Ross DMC set-up meeting here

               Ross DMC Home page here 
               Alone  Home page here 

           Our Home page here

                My carer experience at No. 6 here