Dear Dr L 30 Sept 2015
In the hope that five minutes reading this may save ten minutes or more on the phone. Here's an overview of the current situation. Red numbers are stress levels 0 to 10
Contents
Medication
Symptoms 10 10
Teresa's medication 8
Disability aids 10 8
Adult Wellbeing 8
Hereford Memory Service 10!
Dietician appointment 6 7
Selling our current wheelchair car 8
Cross Roads 8
Herefordshire Carer Support 10!
The prep of this document 10
No attempt at averaging is made. Family and a few healthcare professionals may read this doc. Red text numbers are independent and no ranking has been made. The use ! of is in the stats maths factorial sense which produces a very large number - 32659200 to be precise! It puts things in perspective.
1
Medication
You will remember that I haven't sustained use of Sertraline etc due to side effects and generally feeling out of touch. Rachel suggests a background, low level dosage of something else to stabilise my emotions. Once that helps things settle down, you and I can discuss the next stage.
2
Symptoms
2a
‘pre-grieving’
Very late at night recently, I wrote a long email to Rachel who termed the emotions in it as ‘pre-grieving’ ie feeling bereaved in anticipation of Teresa's final demise. These low-mood symptoms prevail every day. 10
2b
Physical
symptoms
You may remember that a year ago I was
grinding my teeth and gums seemed on fire. That subsided around
April and was mostly causing pain when driving. It's back with a
vengeance, driving or not. 10
2c
Another anti-depressant
I am happy to try another anti-depressant at a low dose, if you think I need it and I will endeavour to stick with it for six months or more. I can make an appointment to see you if there's no improvement in three months.
3 Teresa's medication
3a
Mirtazapine
Moving
the Mirtazapine intake has improved life for both of us but Teresa is
still up for 30 - 40 mins most nights. Sometimes, I fail to
return to sleep. 8
3b
The Oraphorm-Paracetamol equation
The table I gave you last time didn't look at ratio. The new one NOT DONE YET does and raises the matter of the Paracetamol intake.
4
Disability aids
4a
Spent my most recent respite afternoon in a disability shop looking at equip ready for the OT visit per the document to you last week. No contact from OTs yet. Waiting for so many Depts etc within NHS is always stressful. 8
[The subject is later referred to as NHS Depts Wait.]
4b
Bought an item of equipment recently – too heavy. Contacted supplier re a replacement – paid for it. Won't be refunded for first purchase until it is collected by separate company. Its system fails to recognise first purchase. Supplier says not its problem. 10
5
Adult Wellbeing
Ten
days ago there was an hour long assessment of my wife's caree needs
by Adult Wellbeing. The prep for it meant that Rachel and I
spent hours going through 18 pages of Form XYZ 1066 an' all that.
An NHS Depts Wait equivalent 8
6
Hereford Memory Service
Clearly
and objectively, my carer role is taking me over. The problem
involving Hereford Memory Service reached such a level that I asked
Rachel to deal with the arranging of a meeting, - NHS Depts Wait
10!
am delaying the completion of this doc until after the meeting
7
Dietician appointment
The
dietician appointment has taken place and not much to report.
Nothing goes to plan. NHS Depts Wait now ended 6
Email sent before the meeting didn't arrive in time. Checked it had
been sent – yes 7
8
Selling our current wheelchair car
We
are selling it as it is unsuitable for long journeys and is prone to
faults. The advert for the car sale had been hijacked.
There were 23 awkward phone calls and five blunt emails before
normality was restored. At the time 10.
Initial
waiting time – 3 weeks – now extended by another 3 =
8
9
Cross
Roads
Cross
Roads seems in crisis and is not treating its carers correctly.
Recently, they have arrived very late or not at all. Phoned the
organiser who said we are not the o nly client and I must be patient.
I replied that this is irrelevant. The Council contract doesn't
allow for less that 100% correct delivery. Fell on deaf ears. 8
10 Herefordshire Carer Support
I am receiving no support at all. The story is best left to a surgery visit. 10!
11 The prep of this document
The thinking, arranging and typing of this document is stressful in itself and another reminder of worsening OCD. 10
So much for the debits. Now for some credits.
A
A three year project trying to improve religious aspects of Teresa's life may be making progress re a Bible Group. Although the Curate visited recently, the progress depends on me. However, Teresa has enjoyed two Church services over the two most recent weekends.
B
Persuading Teresa to go places is proving to be less arduous – providing the motivation is best phrased. She loves the South Wales disability hotel. We had lunch on Tues 29 Sept at Merton House Hotel. Booked three nights from Nov 30 – the earliest possible availability. Agreed with manager that we can pop in for lunch before then.
C
A good day in Gloucester recently. Motivation – buying ramps for wheelchair use.
D
Have tried for months to include Teresa in my music for adults with learning difficulties at the Ryefield Centre. Did so en route home from B.
E
There's scope for thinking that Teresa needs less medication.
Will do another chart to prove the point and highlight concern for excessive Paracetamol
To finish with stuff on these lines:
Some balance sheet! More liabilities than assets.
Teresa and I enjoy life together. If she knew 1% of the debits, she'd never sleep.
What else?
Dear Dr L
before
You will remember that I haven't sustained use of Sertraline etc due to side effects and generally feeling not in touch. Rachel suggests a background, low level dosage of something else to stabilise my emotions. Once that helps things settle down, you and I can discuss the next stage.
Very late on Thursday night , I wrote the email below to Rachel. Rachel has termed the emotions in it as ‘pre-grieving’ ie feeling bereaved in anticipation of Teresa's final demise. The email follows:
More
and more I think about Mummy (M) and how I love her more and more. My
eyes flood when I think of her not being around. I want her last few
years to be the best ... her memory treatment to be the best + all the
other treatments.
My eyes flood when I think of her funeral. I
can hardly see the screen now. I couldn't pipe her favourite tunes as
would break down. Can’t see how I'd do the oration.
Once she commodes at 4, 5 or 6 at night, I often fail to return to sleep.
Spent my now-reduced respite afternoon in disability shop looking at equip ready for the OT visit per the document to Dr L. No contact from OTs yet. Sometime, never.
Clearly and objectively, this caring thing is taking me over. Worse than being at the end of my tether, it's broken and I might as well be in orbit looking down at the mess I make all over the place. Too far away to be able to influence anything.
I am happy to try another anti-depressant at a low dose, and will endeavour to stick with it for six months or more. I hope to obtain an appointment to see you this coming week.
Dear Dr L
after
1
You will remember that I haven't sustained use of Sertraline etc due to side effects and generally feeling not in touch. Rachel suggests a background, low level dosage of something else to stabilise my emotions. Once that helps things settle down, you and I can discuss the next stage. But see final para.
2
Very late at night recently, I wrote a long email to Rachel who termed
the emotions in it as ‘pre-grieving’ ie feeling bereaved in anticipation
of Teresa's final demise. These low-mood symptoms prevail every day.
Here's an overview of the current situation.
3
Moving the Mirtazapine intake has improved life for both of us but Teresa is still up for now, 30 mins most nights. Sometimes, I fail to return to sleep.
4
Spent my most recent respite afternoon in a disability shop looking at
equip ready for the OT visit per the document to you last week. No
contact from OTs yet.
5
Ten days ago there was an hour long assessment of my wife's caree needs
by Adult Wellbeing. The prep for it meant that Rachel and I spent hours
going through 18 pages of Form XYZ 1066 an' all that.
6
Clearly and objectively, my carer role is taking me over. The problem
involving Hereford Memory Service reached such a level that I asked
Rachel to deal with the arranging of a meeting,
7
A three year project trying to improve religious aspects of Teresa's
life may be making progress Although the Curate visited recently, the
progress depends on me. However, Teresa has enjoyed two Church services
over recent weekends.
8
The dietician appointment has taken place and not much to report.
9
We are selling our present wheelchair car as it is unsuitable for long
journeys and is prone to faults. The advert for the car sale had
been hijacked. There were 23 awkward phone calls and five blunt emails
before normality was restored.
10
You may remember that a year ago I was grinding my teeth and gums
seemed on fire. That subsided around April and was mostly causing pain
when driving. It's back with a vengeance, driving or not.
11
Cross Roads seems in crisis and is not treating its carers correctly. Recently, they have arrived very late or not at all.
12
I am happy to try another anti-depressant at a low dose, if you think I
need it and I will endeavour to stick with it for six months or more. I
can make an appointment to see you if there's no improvement in two
months.
To TP via email 28 10 2015 hidden page under construction from 24 Sept
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Contents
- Prelim notes
- GP notes
- Ancillary points
1 Prelim notes
Dear Mrs P
aOnce again, it's good of you to accommodate me and now at a different time.
b
The 2g nonsense has got the better of me. HMS = ,,, specifically.
c
I think the priority is to contact my GP.
d
My elder daughter Rachel is giving me a lot of help. I wrote to her late at night. A draft for the GP.
e
The aim of bringing you in to the thought-processing is to obtain a final opinion in judging how much longer I'll go before mental collapse and to see if you could recommend a psycho as I put it later.
f
g
Rachel has supported my attempt to arrange a meeting with HMS. The problem is that I have set up 14 hidden web-pages which Rachel can't understand and HMS has not reacted to adequately. I have asked Rachel to arrange the meeting.
h
After text to Rachel to do with HMS, with GP in mind and written very late on Thursday night, I wrote this:
After text to Rachel to do with HMS, and written very late on Thursday night, I wrote this to her:
2
I'm not kidding and you may not be aware. Am in deep despondency over HMS and some other matters. Banging head + wall syndrome is tip of iceberg. Today, brain full of radical action = newspapers etc.
3
The radical proposal is for you to tell J T of HMS you are handling all comms now. Do what you like. My brain hurts. My blood is crying.
4
Re the tons of webpages - perhaps I should ask a pscho etc to estimate how much to read 20 or so pages and then say how help can be given.
5
More and more I think about Mummy (M) and how I love her more and more. My eyes flood when I think of her not being around. I want her last few years to be the best ... her memory treatment to be the best + all the other treatments.
6
My eyes flood when I think of her funeral. I can hardly see the screen now. I coudn't pipe her favourite tunes as would breakdown. Can't see how I'd do the oration.
7
Clearly and objectively, this caring thing is taking me over. Worse than being at the end of my tether, it's broken and I might as well be in orbit looking down at the mess I make all over the place. Too far astronomically to be able to influence anything.
8
The persecutor-victim page fills my mind at times. It's you and me versus a vast faceless organisation and we have no tools or weapons. My mind turns to the Joe and Jo Soaps who have little IQ and can't fight back.
9
Cross Roads carers are telling me of the stark reality of the cuts which has already started. “My Mrs M no longer has me to help - cuts.” Ditto Mr Brown et al. “.” Mrs Q is at her wits end re if I don't turn up again - and so on.
10
Carers are turning up late or not at all. Nobody 1.30 to 3 or 5.30 to 6.30 Weds. The 1000 woman today arrived at 1030. They receive no travel time. I have created a new webpage. The miss-thought aim is to use it in a campaign later and pos soon if carer Ruth wants me as advocate in her problems with Crossroads.
11
We'll cope when we have to pay but there'll be no help when the £ runs out. Never mind Porthcawl disability hotel as much as M loves it. I do want to take her back soon. Can't see how.
12
Spent reduced respite afternoon in disability shop looking at equip ready for the OT visit per the document to Dr L. No contact from OTs yet. Sometime, never.
13
Once M commodes at 4, 5 or 6 at night I often fail to return to sleep. M snorts, worse than snoring, a lot at night. If I don't stop now, I'll be heading for bed when M is on commode.
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3 Ancillary points